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Thursday 23 April 2015

Big consequences for big actions


Children do minor things that don't turn out ok and then they do big things that end up disastrous. Usually accidents; an idea or game that wasn't thought out well.

That happened here and I was ropeable. My children had been playing, It went from Lego to following each other around the house to minor wrestling to one getting boofed in the face. Ending up in cries of pain and a flood of tears.

I investigated what happened and got different stories, as you do. The children were separated and quizzed again detective style where I found out one had thought it would be ok to ask the other sibling to kick them in the tummy, but do it softly.  They'll ring the bell if things get too hard. To them this sounded good. To me I can see many flaws in their action plan.
The other kicks and it isn't softly and it isn't in the tummy and it isn't what the other expected. There was no time to ring the bell before things got too hard and one got hurt.  Really, just a stupid idea that was bound to end in tears and one that broke the golden rule in our house: keep your hands to yourself! [It's also the #1 rule that gets broken the most - children love to annoy and pester each other; they want hugs or attention and have difficulty asking for it.]

One ended up with a blood lip and sore front teeth. An injury I'm not happy with because it could have been worse, dangerous, and that's scary. It was a silly thing to do, a silly thing to take part in and silly to think it was going to be ok.  But that is children, they don't often think things through.

As a punishment the kicker was sent to their room for the remainder of the day with a bottle of water - this happened before lunch time. Only to come out for toilet or lunch and dinner. It's a big consequence. Massive. Excessive, to some perhaps.

After a while they're both bored and lost without each other try to find ways to get the consequence banished. The victim wants to play together nicely while the kicker says they're bored and want to come out. I tell them this is about learning what it's like to literally be without siblings, friends, family, people to interact with. You need to be nice to them and the game needs to be fun and fair and not dangerous or stupid.

Even though I'm cross with what happened the most I did was use a stern voice and state the obvious, that is it was a pretty silly thing to partake in and think was going to be ok. The kicker gets a talk about how dangerous and terrible it was to change the action plan part way through, when the other thought something soft and non terrible was coming their way. The victim is told it was a silly idea to ask their sibling do this to them and think this would end well.

Extreme punishment, banished from the family for a day, for an extreme foolish and dangerous action. Message: be good to the family and you get to interact with the family.

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